Kyoya's Transformation
by Raliena
Summary: Kyoya can tell you the exact moment he changed. He can even tell you why. But most of all he can tell you why no one else can know that he's changed, and why he does what he does. Apperances must be maintained. No one can know his *true* reasons.


Disclaimer – If you recognize it, I don't own it.

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I can tell you the exact moment I changed. The precise moment I stopped always thinking about personal merit. The point I stopped always looking for personal gain in everything I did.

It wasn't when I _really_ befriended Tamaki. That was simply when I decided to beat all expectations for me. When I decided to go outside the box I was supposed to fit in… When I stopped thinking of myself as simply being the third son.

It wasn't when the Host Club was formed. That was when I made good and true friends, for the second time. That was when I made alliances for my happiness, not for my benefit. That was when I started to perfect the manipulations I would need later on in life.

It was on the day of Physical Exams. Haruhi's first Physical Exam at Ouran… It occurred the second… The _moment_ that the girl said that the strange doctor was headed for the "Special's Boy's Clinic".

And yes, I know that he wasn't a pervert.

But what if he had been? And what if we hadn't overheard?

I could have stopped it… Long before it became a problem. But it wasn't my problem. It didn't concern me. There was no merit in it… It wasn't _my_ problem.

None of the others have ever blamed me… None of them have ever said I should have done something.

But they don't need to… I have blamed myself more than enough for each of them.

Because if he had been… Instead of a startled Haruhi and a frightened stranger… I don't know what we would have faced… A terrified Haruhi? A broken Haruhi?

And all because I couldn't see the _point_ in reporting that there was a stranger wandering around. What would it have cost me?

Haruhi is precious to me. Precious to all of us.

She's so naïve. So innocent. So helpless. So unable to protect herself.

_Nothing_ should be allowed to harm her. That is something we are _all_ agreed on.

She changed all of us… She taught me to do things not just for merit. She can see through Mori-sempai's stoic face, to his true emotions. She can calm Huni-sempai, and despite knowing the full extent of his skill, she still treats him how he wants to be. She is the only girl who will argue with Tamaki and calm his stupidity. She brought the twins out of themselves and showed them that there really are differences between them.

She holds all of our hearts in her hands. She could crush them easily. We shake and quiver when she's angry with us.

And yet she does not realize what she holds.

And that is why I can never let her debt be paid.

If it were paid, she would leave the Host Club. And I cannot let that happen.

It is not that she is a good earner for the Club that I won't let her go. It is that without her, I don't think the Club would survive.

We _need_ her. We were not complete until Haruhi came along. We were united by our friendship and respect for Tamaki. But Haruhi, without meaning to or trying, united us.

And why _would_she stay? We get on her nerves. The twins treat her like some giant dressing-up doll. We make her fetch and carry for us. We never leave her alone. We dismiss her intelligence. We insult her family's status to her face. We're overprotective. We're in her face nearly every waking hour of the day.

She wants to be a lawyer. She needs good marks for that. She has a goal and a dream…

And we're blocking her from them. We stop her from studying as much as she would like.

So I can never let her debt be paid. But I have to be careful. No one can know what I am doing. I must appear to be impartial. Performing cuts to her debt as often as I raise it. A careful balance. After all raising a debt by a quarter and then cutting it by a quarter of the increased limit, only reduces the original debt by just under seven percent.

And she's smart. She spots some of my manipulations and most of the ones the twins do… Usually too late for it to matter… But every time she spots it sooner.

But for as long as I can I will keep her in the Club.

But no one can know of what I do. They cannot know that I care.

I must remain the Shadow King… Oh, how accurately Haruhi named me.

How long before she knows the truth behind my deeds?

She is the one I must fear. She will find me out before the others.

And what will she do then? Keep it secret? Like she did for the incident on the beach… Or will she tell all, to be set free from us?

I don't know. And I fear for that day.

Will she break us? Or will she stay and keep us whole?

Our hearts and lives are in her hands… And she doesn't even realize.

And I will not tell her.

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This is my first foray into this particular fanfiction. I would like feed back, if anyone would care to give me pointers.

I think I may have gotten the characterisation wrong.

Thank you.


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